Marriage is bound to have conflict, and though it may be cliche (or even hard to believe) conflict is a good thing! It is healthy, normal— even necessary. When we recognize conflict as an opportunity to discover new things about one another, we are able to end up on the other side of it with deeper satisfaction and excitement for the relationship. My teacher, Mukara Meredith, in her MatrixWorks Leadership model, emphasizes the importance of facing our relational “chaos— to lean in when it gets challenging, weather the storm, trusting that deeper collective consciousness is on the other side.
But I've seen many couples lean away from conflict. They don't move toward each other when things get tough, they move away, which leads to further and further emotional separation. On the flip side, other couples are too fiery and reactive to be effective in conflict.
I help partners learn to summon their respective Wise Adult selves. To lean-in with kindness and generosity when times are tough and to acknowledge differences between them as gifts to their relationship. Working with me, couples have claimed they get excited when differences arise because it means they are about to learn something new about their partner and get to a deeper place of understanding together. Personally, it’s one of the ways I find satisfaction in my own partnership over the course of time. It’s one of the tools I use to fall more deeply in love with my husband. There is always more to discover, and I find that thrilling.
Are you a couple that is comfortable navigating conflict? Do you yearn to be? I can help you get there.
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